Fellmama

Well.
I got rejected from Berkeley today. One down, seven to go. I've had a lot of difficulty explaining this to people, but here goes one more try: I probably won't get into grad school. See, I applied to places that are a)high-caliber and b)extremely selective. I didn't apply to any safety schools. So not getting into one most likely equals not getting into any. I don't understand why this is so hard to grasp. The fact that thus and so on the committee at University X is a dick has nothing to do with my lack of qualifications.
I honestly don't know what to do if I don't get in anywhere. I have no actual "skills" in anything I'd enjoy making a living at.
This makes it very difficult to care about my Latin homework.
You'd think they'd at least send me a fucking letter.

Edit, 10:36 PM: Y'all are fabulous. Seriously. Europe needs my cracker brain? Amazing Jesus? I seem to have surrounded myself with people who always know exactly the right thing to say. And if I don't get into grad school, I'ma be a bum. I hear there are lots of opportunities for career advancement--in a few years, I might make hobo!

So.
Friday I had this minor nervous breakdown which culminated in me sitting in Kyra's office telling her I wasn't even sure I wanted to go to grad school, let alone do honors. Simply put, I've been trying to do too much. Greek is driving me insane, I'm committed to a dozen extracurriculars, and I'm taking like 19 credits that matter. Oh, and did I mention my senior recital? So I dropped Suor Angelica (a shame, but I will so be front-row center for the performance), we're cutting our independent study back to once a week, and I'm no longer presenting at the Undergrad Conference. With any luck, this will prevent me having to drop a class or quit something like Schwa.
Kyra, Vandiver, and Fenik were all extremely supportive, which makes me realize how lucky I am to be here and to have professors who are invested in both my career and my sanity. Kyra, especially--she told me that she was confident that I'm able to write an honors thesis and that I would do well in grad school. Those were things I really needed to hear just then. (On a side note, has anyone else ever noticed that English has a TON of words which begin with "th"? I wonder that we didn't adopt theta into our alphabet.)
And then they sent out writtens results last night. I passed with distinction. That news could not have come at a better time.

Writtens = done. The question I chose (one of three) was a cakewalk: "Ferguson's work is popular history written for a general audience. Using Empire, critically evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of this type of history." In doubt, of course, is whether or not I answered it well enough. I have a nasty suspicion that my essay was somewhere in the B+ range. Oh well, that's a pass.
By the way, Vandiver said: "I'm surprised you're here at all!" when Garrett and I mentioned we had exams. And when I knew the traditional end date for the Trojan War, she announced that I didn't need to take writtens, I had passed. I could tell the history department she said so.
And then much fun was had at the brew pub. Mmmm, pina colada. And I officially decided to pull the "but my writtens were yesterday!" excuse in Greek tomorrow, which means bed for me!

rootlesscosmo is a great source for many things: recipes, Communist Party stories, exotic trivia, etc. This is the latest gem from his infinite wisdom. If you have ever played any sort of video game ever, or ever known someone who did, view this:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1329362959167995041&pr=goog-sl

Much fun in the Tri-Cities today. I bought a shirt and a pair of jeans. The latter were ten dollars. !!! I also bought a calendar. I need to stop buying calendars. I have three.
Other things of note:
Dylan and Ruty are both wretched drivers.
The Ash Street La Casita is closed! It will soon be El Sombrero. /mourn
Super props to Nicole for cleaning the catbox. It no longer reeks like an abyss of the damned.
Do any of you remember "David the Gnome"? I went looking for the theme song, because I remembered it being wonderful. It is, but not in the way one might normally define the word. I loved that show . . .

Walter Page, American ambassador to London, had the following conversation with the British Foreign Secretary, Sir Edward Grey, regarding the 1913 military coup in Mexico:
"[Grey:]'Suppose you have to intervene, what then?'
[Page:] 'Make 'em vote and live by their decisions.'
'But suppose they will not so live?'
'We'll go in and make 'em vote again.'
'And keep this up 200 years?' asked he.
'Yes, said I. 'The United States will be here for two hundred years and it can continue to shoot men for that little space till they learn to vote and to rule themselves.'"
--Quoted in Empire: the Rise and Demise of the British World Order and the Lessons for Global Power, Niall Ferguson

Sound familiar?

In other news, I had an extremely rewarding practice today. It felt really GOOD to play. That makes me happy. Not so happy-making were the dead batteries in my CD player, which meant that my arranging session was cut short. It doesn't help that all the pianos are so out of tune. I can never tell if my chords will actually work because they're so off-pitch anyway. /stab

I am giving myself a break from my book review for Yale, having written 310 of the 1000 words I am allowed. It is, I believe, the very last thing I'll have to write for grad schools. Question: if you don't get in the first go-round, do you have to write new personal statements and such for the second? I suspect, sadly, that the answer is yes.
Break has been good. Got to hang with some of the Moscow people, whom I don't see nearly often enough. And tomorrow will be major boozage for New Year's. Woot.
I'm heading back to Walla^2 Monday--nose to the grindstone once again. I must: finish my ASWC thingy, read my writtens book, and do every single piece of thesis reading ever.

I want to marry Dinosaur Comics and have its witty, witty babies.

The internet went out again, and I had a vision of despair. But it came back.

It occurs to me that I may be pathetic.

Do I have enough time to be a chorus nun in Suor Angelica next semester? I probably don't, but nuns. Nuns!
Also, I've decided that even though boys are stupid, I like them anyway.