I'll shake you from your sleep to hear me weep

[fellmama]

This has not been a good day.

Despite having done it before, and despite our catalog being a legally binding document, I cannot PDF distribution, which means my B- in physics will indeed ruin my GPA.

I did not get a Rhodes interview, which means I will not go to Oxford.

I haven't done jack for my thesis. I don't even have a thesis for my thesis.

I need to ask profs about letters of rec, and I'm literally scared to do so now. I hate asking for something that takes so much of their time. And it's probably a waste of that time, anyway. I was one of fifty-five Rhodes applicants from this district, and I didn't even get an interview. What chance do I have to get into graduate school? Especially in a highly competitive field for which I am ill-prepared. Maybe I should just give up on the idea entirely.

To make matters worse, Aspen has been having an extremely good day. (Ask her about it.) I will do my best not to bring her down, but I'm thinking that I'm not the best of company right now. I begged off on performance class and my organ lesson, so now I'm off to try to salvage something of the tatters of my academic life.

You know what I hate? I don't think a single one of my professors has ever said to me: "You are good enough." I'm not looking for "You're perfect" or "You're the smartest student I've ever taught." I'd just like to say that I'm thinking about grad school or a Rhodes or writing a thesis and to hear in return: "I think you could do that." Maybe I don't know the magic words or something.

This has not been a good day.

Comments

[ike.livejournal.com]

:-( I won't say that a B- isn't that bad, because I got a couple of them, and they were. I can say that the few people I have actually managed to talk to about getting a job/going to competitive grad schools, no one has brought up my 'questionable' grades or made implications, despite those clases being in my major. So don't get too bummed by that. Also: letters of rec. aren't so bad. Despite getting few/no direct compliments from Profs ever,* they were still nice about letters, and I think even wrote me good ones.

* GO TALK WITH PROF. ANDREA DOBSON. NOW. TELL HER YOUR STORIES OF WOE (and mention I sent you) AND BEHOLD, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER. !

[perdita-dream.livejournal.com]

I agree with Ike about speaking to Andrea. She fixes all things.

/hug Mary!

We love Mary! And you are definitely good enough!

[bakerma.livejournal.com]

Awww, it'll be okay Mary. Grad schools would be crazy to not take you. Get a good night's sleep tonight and you'll probably feel much better in the morning.

Mary, you are good enough!

[love-pirate.livejournal.com]

I feel you completely on a few of those topics. You still have a lot of options, and I think that most profs probably have no idea what exactly all their students are capable of. I'm always here to comiserate! ;o)

[lacrossestar05.livejournal.com]

Mary, you've always inspired me because you're so damn smart... so I think you're better than good enough and your profs who don't say that should be boiled in a giant vat of human exrement (don't know how to spell it... you get the picture....)..

so eat some Ben's & Jerry's and feel better...

[colvincd.livejournal.com]

Do you remember what I said earlier?

Look, you don't need to take the blood money of a dead murderous queer like Rhodes (I apologize if I have offended any GLBTQ or Genocidal Imperialist readers, but if you know Rhodes, you know he was a complete bastard). What you should really focus on is the Javitts, but of course, only two people in the USA even get that.

When History Grad Schools look at your transcript, they tend to ignore anything math oriented. Some would-be historians don’t even BOTHER to take the math part of the GRE. The only people in the social sciences who do will at math are economists and some sociologists.

As for your thesis, I don’t think you need any advice. Just keep reading until you find something interesting. I didn’t write one, but if I had, that’s what I would have done.

Professors don't generally show their appreciation until after you've taken their last class from them. After I took my last class from them it seemed like some Profs regarded me with awe (I'm serious).

I remember I told one professor after he suggested I reconsider my interest in Grad School on the grounds the field was satuarated that I was going to ignore his advice; his response was something to the tone of "well, if that's what you want to do you better be dead serious; here's some real advice..."

(A thought: if I had to do it all over again, I would have done my orals on Personality Cults in Augustus’ Rome, Stalin’s USSR and Mao’s PRC).

[superquail.livejournal.com]

You are more than good enough for me, Mary.

Thanks for being such an awesome friend!

[charmbucket.livejournal.com]

you are wonderful, mary. you've helped this little history virgin survive her first kyra paper. and as for bad distribution grades-- i'm actually, genuinely failing astro. kind of exciting, isn't it? don't worry-- people out in the real world and grad school world will want to work with you because you're amazing at something you love doing. and that's all that really matters. if they pick up even a smidgen of the devotion you have for your field, physics won't even matter to them. besides, you can always say you were busy doing what you were meant to do: history. if anyone ever asks about astro, i'm just going to tell them i was at rehearsal, and for anyone in my field, that should really be enough. ;) love and hugs -j

[alientheater.livejournal.com]

Inhale.
Exhale.
RELAX.

You'll get into grad school. I'm pretty darn sure of it. And you know what else? You'll be okay. Promise.

[parksdh.livejournal.com]

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!

Eh, just kidding.

I'm sure things will end up just fine.

[dolphinlove.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had a crappy day - they suck. Although - I do feel you could benefit from some oh so insightful clarifcation/insight/advice being offered by the psych department - it's cause it's the tenth week. Evidently, one of the profs has this theory that the tenth week of the fall semester always sucks and that's why everyone is so stressed out. Genius! (not really, but those of us who know of the theory are just responding to everything with "well, it's the tenth week - that's the best i got for ya").
In all serious though - you are unbelievably intelligent and i don't have a doubt in my mind that you will get into grad school. i'm terrified of it too and i bet i you asked anyone else, whether they show it or not, deep down we all are - it seems such a much bigger step than college was. Don't compare Rhodes to grad school apps. I'm sorry you didn't get an interview for Rhodes - that's sucks and I know you deserved one. Unfortunately though, those things go that way sometimes and it is in no reflection of you and your capabilities (here comes the psych major!). Just take a step back and regroup - it's true, everything really does work out for the best, even if we can't see how in the moment.
Love ya!

[pirate-attaxx.livejournal.com]

hey, this may seem completely ridiculous, but i applied for rhodes (not in your district), but i was wondering how they contacted you to let you know? i haven't heard anything and it's driving me insane!

and p.s. getting into grad school will be way better. :) rhodes is a totally sucky process. and if people wrote you recommendation letters the first time, then getting them again won't be a problem.