Cheer up, Sleepy Jean

[fellmama]

I went to Boise for Rach's graduation. The graduation itself was incalculably tedious (as these things always are), but the rest of the weekend was amazingly fun.
Otherwise I have done nothing of consequence.
I used to be so . . . happy. I go back and read old journal entries, and . . . I dunno. Even the ones where I'm pretty sure I was faking it are far more cheerful than I have felt for a really long time. Is this adulthood? Am I chemically unbalanced? Or will I just never be happy again? Inquiring minds want to know.

Edit, June 7, 11:46 AM: Sadly, this sense of malaise hasn't appeared since graduation. It has persisted for something like a year and a half.

Comments

[parksdh.livejournal.com]

Its the post-graduation malaise. Right now, you're what the French call "les in-comp-e-tents."

You'll get over it in a couple of weeks.

[koni.livejournal.com]

I dunno about a couple of weeks. I'd say more like ... when you're back in school.

[perdita-dream.livejournal.com]

I felt like that when I was moving out of the house. I don't feel that way now that I still have those two papers to finish. I suspect once they are done, it will be all downhill from there.

[perdita-dream.livejournal.com]

Err...sorry koni. I fail to operate simple things like LJ at 5:30 am, apparently.

[aspend.livejournal.com]

I have been feeling the same way. KInd of glad to know I am not alone in that. Misery loves company and all. Everyone seems to feel this will pass. /hug!

[love-pirate.livejournal.com]

Yep. Feel the same.

[superquail.livejournal.com]

I've actually been feeling great, except when my parents are in the room. Then I feel angry. But I got a new computer and that is so exciting!

I think you will start to brighten up when you get to thinking about all the fun stuff that is going to be happening at Cornell. I mean, Whitman is a nice little school and all, but you've out grown it intellectually and think of all the fun things you'll get to do. Also, you know that you will constantly be receiving fan mail from all around the world with requests like "please send me an autographed photo right away, I can't masturbate without one!" At least, you'll be getting a letter like that from me ;)

(ex-rootlesscosmo here)

[(Anonymous)]

Don't dismiss the chemical imbalance hypothesis. There really is such a thing as sub-clinical depression (though it's tricky to diagnose, or to not mis-diagnose), it really does have a neurochemical substrate, and it really can respond to meds. This is notoriously a delicate business--trying different ones, different dosages, trying to evaluate effects (good or bad) that are at the level of emotion, dream life, etc., rather than some nice quantifiable thing that a blood test can measure--but it can be helpful; I've been on one for about ten years now, after trying and rejecting two others (one gave me violent nightmares, the other made my orgasms go away which could make a fella popular in some social circles but was not fun) and I get depressed less often, less severely, and for shorter periods of time. Also I've got what amounts to a dependency on a prescription drug (at the prescribed, quite low, dosage)--the effects of missing even one day's worth are disagreeable, though no more than that. It's a tradeoff, but I think it's worth it.

Re: (ex-rootlesscosmo here)

[fellmama.livejournal.com]

You! Hello! Where have you been? Why did you go away? Juan Cole came to speak at Whitman, and I wished to tell you . . . but there was no more rootlesscosmo!

Re: (ex-rootlesscosmo here)

[(Anonymous)]

I just decided I didn't want to be out there in the public forum, so I just check flowerlane's Friends page occasionally.

Did I noodge you about looking up my friend David Rosen in the Cornell Music Department? (Act now, this man will retire fairly soon.) Nice guy, knows all about Verdi among other subjects; wife Carol is a linguist, likewise very nice. Tell em John Burke (my legit monicker) sent you.

And think about what I said re: meds. Here's one fairly reliable way to proceed: contact your local medical association for the name of someone whose specialty is psychopharmacology. This will get you a genuine MD (not some I-feel-your-pain-but-can't-write-prescriptions talk therapist) who can tell depression from (say) grief or anxiety and suggest a course of treatment. Not surefire but a pretty good bet.