I'll shake you from your sleep to hear me weep

This has not been a good day.

Despite having done it before, and despite our catalog being a legally binding document, I cannot PDF distribution, which means my B- in physics will indeed ruin my GPA.

I did not get a Rhodes interview, which means I will not go to Oxford.

I haven't done jack for my thesis. I don't even have a thesis for my thesis.

I need to ask profs about letters of rec, and I'm literally scared to do so now. I hate asking for something that takes so much of their time. And it's probably a waste of that time, anyway. I was one of fifty-five Rhodes applicants from this district, and I didn't even get an interview. What chance do I have to get into graduate school? Especially in a highly competitive field for which I am ill-prepared. Maybe I should just give up on the idea entirely.

To make matters worse, Aspen has been having an extremely good day. (Ask her about it.) I will do my best not to bring her down, but I'm thinking that I'm not the best of company right now. I begged off on performance class and my organ lesson, so now I'm off to try to salvage something of the tatters of my academic life.

You know what I hate? I don't think a single one of my professors has ever said to me: "You are good enough." I'm not looking for "You're perfect" or "You're the smartest student I've ever taught." I'd just like to say that I'm thinking about grad school or a Rhodes or writing a thesis and to hear in return: "I think you could do that." Maybe I don't know the magic words or something.

This has not been a good day.